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Table of Contents
#101 – 90. Funny Office Jokes
101. Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
100. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
99. I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed the loo.
98. I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as afriend who can fire you.
97. I like my job only marginally more than I like being homeless.
96. Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!
95. I don’t work well under pressure… or any other circumstance.
94. I got fired at work today. My boss said my communication skills were awful. I didn’t know what to say to that.
93. A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
92. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks
91. It’s not how good your work is, it’s how well you explain it.
90. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
#89 – 80. Funny Office Jokes
89. All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.
88. Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever’s bugging you.
87. A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer. “Oh, damn it,” he proclaims, “Some asshole has my pen!”
86. Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
85. Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
84. I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
83. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
82. Client to designer: “It doesn’t really look purple. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue.”
81. If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.
80. A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say “bye” 300 times.
#79 – 70. Funny Office Jokes
79. Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
78. My resumé is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do.
77. It’s not who you know, it’s whom you know.
76. Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
75. I asked the corporate wellness officer,“Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
74. Sometimes I feel like there isn’t much difference between my commute to work and the Oregon Trail.
73. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
72. My annual performance review says I lack “passion andintensity.” I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.
71. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
70. The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
#69 – 60. Funny Office Jokes
69. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
67. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
66. I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
65. Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.
64. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
63. It’s amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, “You look so gorgeous, I didn’t recognize you.”
62. The boss frowns on anyone yelling: “Hey Weirdo!” He says too many people look up from their work.
61. I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
60. The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
#59 – 50. Funny Office Jokes
59. Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
58. The reason we “nod off to sleep” is so it looks like we’re just emphatically agreeing with everything when we’re in a boring meeting.
57. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
56. With a calendar, your days are numbered.
55. The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.
54. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
53. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
52. Things really haven’t gotten worse. We’ve just improved our inter-departmental communication skills.
51. How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
50. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
#49 – 40. Funny Office Jokes
49. I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
48. People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
47. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
46. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
45. The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
44. A man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.
43. My bosssays I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
42. Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
41. If our boss makes a mistake, it is our mistake.
40. I use artificial sweetener at work. I add it to everything I say to my boss.
#39 – 30. Funny Office Jokes
39. My boss left a presentation on my desk and asked me to look at it and let him know what I thought of it. I told him I’d sleep on it.
38. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
37. Some people say the glass is half full.Some people say the glass is half empty.Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.
36. Anything that could possibly go wrong often does – as well as a thing or two that couldn’t possibly.
35. My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.
34. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
33. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
32. Put a “Please Use Other Door” sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.
31. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
30. The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.
#29 – 20. Funny Office Jokes
29. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
28. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
27. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Don’t walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
26. Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.
25. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?
24. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
23. If everything seems to be coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.
22. My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
21. If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
20. Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.
#19 – 10. Funny Office Jokes
19. “Meet my coworker, the Boy Who Cried ASAP.”
18. I don’t mind coming to work, it’s the 8-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.
17. I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.
16. A hard thing about a business is minding your own.
15. There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.
14. When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
13. To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.
12. When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said, “You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?” I said, “No, not particularly.”
11. How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
10. My friend, an intern, was given $50 to get the chairman of the bank some lunch. Told to get himself something, he bought a shirt.
#9 – 1. Funny Office Jokes
9. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
8. Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
7. A work week is so rough that after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
6. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
5. I work for the world’s biggest nanotechnology company. We’re not very good.
4. Office executive “Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?” Boss “Certainly not!” Office executive “Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding.”
3. I get plenty of exercise – jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
2. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
1. Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
Ideas for the top 101 office jokes were taken from the following sources.Reader’s Digest – Office JokeLaugh Factory –JOKE BANK–OFFICE JOKEHumor that works –101 FUNNY WORK JOKES TO GET YOU THROUGH THE DAYLaffgaff –Funny Office JokeUnijokes –The best office joke